View Full Version : Chuck Norris Jokes thread
Chuck Norris deserves his own thread. Please feel free to add more. lol
Lightning never strikes twice in the same place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer.
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
infinity
05-27-2009, 09:14 PM
Chuck Norris's roundhouse-kick is what makes the earth spin.
Tornados dont like trailer parks its just that Chuck Norris hates them.
OMG these are to much.
I have never seen Chuck Norris jokes..LMAO
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris Lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
christySYK
05-27-2009, 11:52 PM
Haha this thread is hillarious! Keep em coming!
redog
05-28-2009, 12:32 AM
Chuck Norris isnt afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
FloorCandy
05-31-2009, 03:50 AM
Uh, Barrens chat anyone??? :-)
If you woke up this morning, it is only because Chuck Norris allowed you to live.
Dansgrizz
06-01-2009, 02:57 PM
chuck Norris does not read books he intimidates them for all their information.
Chuck Norris does not do push ups he pushes the earth down!!
A REAL fact: in 2006 according to google search popularity results... Chuck Norris was more popular than boobs!!!
FloorCandy
06-01-2009, 04:37 PM
* Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
* Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Dansgrizz
06-01-2009, 06:15 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting implies he could fail! Chuck Norris goes killing!!
APBTMOMMY
06-01-2009, 06:45 PM
I didnt know there where so many jokes about chuck norris...funny...kinda weird ...but funny
Dansgrizz
06-01-2009, 07:08 PM
The power from one Chuck Norris roundhouse could solve the worlds energy problems.
Dansgrizz
06-01-2009, 07:10 PM
Chuck Norris has sex with men not cuz he's gay..... Because he has ran out of women.
Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
FloorCandy
06-03-2009, 11:11 PM
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
That's one of my favorite Chuck Norris jokes! When I read on a magazine in the grocery store that Ted Kennedy was returning to Congress, I was like "Holy crap, they got Chuck Norris to cry!" and there was actually someone else in line besides me and hubby that got it, everyone else thought we were retarded lol.
jeep lex
06-04-2009, 03:40 PM
When superman goes to sleep hes has on chuck norris pajamas
On chuck norris's birthday he round house kicks one lucky child to the moon
Dansgrizz
06-06-2009, 12:35 AM
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!(lol word)
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
vBulletin® v3.8.7, Copyright ©2000-2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.